New Foo Fighters single [from their forthcoming greatest hits album]: “Wheels”. How very mediocre.

Do you have an annoyingly noisy coat that makes a loud rustling sound when you take it off at the start of a comedy show? If so, Mark Watson will offer to hang it on his chair for you. He’ll also take your slightly larger coat, and your cloak, if need be. This was just the start of the unscripted fun at Watson’s “Work in Progress” show this evening at Trades Hall [the second of a five night run that he is performing for the Melbourne Fringe Festival].

Watson’s comedy is easy to relate to; his humour is crafted through awkward stories that he manages to interweave at five hundred* words a minute [*not a technically accurate figure]. He can talk about squatting in a stranger’s garden without seeming crass [while his comedy does extend far beyond poo jokes, it did get the biggest laugh of the night]. And he may be married [with a kid on the way; a recurring point throughout the show was his anxiety at becoming a father], but that won’t stop me from pointing out that he’s also a bit of alright to look at.

As he explained thoughout the performance, the idea of a trial show is so that comedians can test out new jokes, and therefore there’s always the risk that they might be a bit shit, which would be quite a pity for the audience, really. But despite a good portion of his show being about his lack of confidence [and fear of mediocrity], Watson has a decent collection of new material, which should be shaped into a strong show in time for next year’s comedy festival.

And I couldn’t help but wonder whether this was a tattoo she’d regret over time.  Or if maybe she already does.

Now, I could be wrong.  She may be Wiccan, and this tattoo could be representative of her faith.  Or, I may be correct, and this tattoo may well be testament to her love of Charmed.

Once upon a time, Charmed was an okay television show.  For the first three seasons, I was a loyal viewer, and at the time I thought it was pretty darn awesome [bear in mind that I was between the ages of nine and twelve].  My favourite character was Prue, however, and once they killed her off, I could never look at the show in the same way.  A couple of years later, in maybe the sixth or seventh season, I found myself watching an episode, and I just could not comprehend how bad it really was.  Had it become worse over time?  Yes, most definitely.  But was it even that good to begin with?  Well, not really.

The basic ideas behind Charmed were quite good – the “coven” of three sisters who would work together to vanquish evil definitely had potential – however the writing was sloppy [even in the pilot - they killed a warlock by reciting "The power of three will set us free" - cheesy, much?], and too much of what they did was seemingly inconsequential [how exactly did Piper have the time to run the club and book all those bands when she spent every waking hour chasing after bad guys?].

Over those first three seasons [I'm not going to discuss the later ones] there were some great moments, episodes [or parts of episodes] that really emphasised the show’s potential.  But then, there were also some absolutely awful ones.

THE GOOD: Deja Vu All Over Again
The last episode of the first season was one of the strongest overall episodes of the whole show.  It was heartbreaking – I liked Andy’s character, and I liked the recurring storyline that had him following the Halliwells and trying to work out why they were always somehow involved with the city’s strange unsolved crimes.  But Andy’s death was well done, and it was something that could have sent the show in a much darker direction.  Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case, and after the first couple of episodes of the second season, he was never spoken of again.

THE BAD: How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans
This is just one example of an awful episode of Charmed.  Old ladies knitting together people’s skin in order for a demon to make them look younger again?  Uh, right.

THE GODDAMN AWFUL: All Hell Breaks Loose
Now, I’m not just picking this because they killed off my favourite character [even though it's completely ridiculous, considering that the whole premise of the show was based around three sisters - and then bringing in the secret half-sister makes absolutely no sense because firstly, as if the Elders would not have known that Patty was pregnant - THEY SEE EVERYTHING - and secondly, the whole power of three thing would never have existed because there were more than three sisters.  NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY RARELY EVEN MENTION PRUE AFTER SHE DIES EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS THEIR GODDAMN SISTER], but because of the way that they killed her.  Death by wall, people?  They killed her by throwing her into a wall.  A WALL.  Ugh.

I guess my main issue with Charmed was its lack of continuity.  It was as if the writers had absolutely no respect for loyal viewers.  The show, while based around an idea that would generally appeal to a cult audience, was clearly not written as such.  It’s more for the lazy viewer, as opposed to the active audience.  For the people who might not be able to watch it each week, but don’t worry too much about what they’ve missed.  Those who don’t ever wonder whatever happened to Dan’s neice Jenny.  Or Dan, for that matter.

I wonder what the girl with the Charmed tattoo thinks…

…check out these ‘Moms’

01.  Joan Jett and The Blackhearts -  Bad Reputation
I dont give a damn ’bout my reputation
You’re living in the past its a new generation
A girl can do what she wants to do and thats
What I’m gonna do
An I don’t give a damn ’bout my bad reputation

02. Florence + the Machine -  Rabbit Heart (Raise it up)
This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

03. Spice Girls – Holler
We can go all night long
Doing things you thought you would never do
I won’t tell anyone
Cos everything is just between me and you
But you gotta play my game

04. Poalo Nutini – Candy
Darling, I’ll bathe your skin
I’ll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy
Before I go

05. Indigo Girls – Dairy Queen
I heard that you were drunk and mean
Down at the dairy queen
There’s just enough of you in me
For me to have sympathy

06.  Sarah McLachlan – Stupid
How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you’re no good for me
But you’re the only one I see

Knowing where the reference came from….?

BREAKING NEWS: Florence + the Machine did not win the Barclaycard Mercury Prize for Album of the Year. It was announced this morning [well, last night, depending on your timezone] that the prize went to someone who I’ve never heard of, Speech Debelle.

My trusty friend Google tells me that Speech Debelle is a young South Londoner, and that “Speech Therapy”, her debut album, has won over fans and critics alike with her style, word play and humour. And good on her! I’m not going to say that she doesn’t deserve it – I’ve never heard her music, and it wouldn’t be right of me to judge. However, I would like to talk about a couple of the other nominees.

Firstly, Glasvegas. My first encounter with the band came from when I saw James Allan as a guest on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, and I must say, I thought he was a bit of a twat. The band kept popping up in the NME, often accompanied by photos of him dressed in leather with his sunglasses on. Always with his sunglasses on. This wasn’t exactly the best first impression to make, and pretty much led to a complete dislike of the band. And this is without hearing any of their music.

You see, that’s when the problem arose. At some point towards the end of the year, I discovered that both “Daddy’s Gone” and “Geraldine” – songs that were receiving quite a bit of airplay on Triple J, were actually by this band who I supposedly couldn’t stand. So then the whole situation needed to be reevaluated.

I ended up buying their album, and listening to it over and over again. Somehow it captivated me. The next thing I knew, I was reading interviews with James Allan in the NME and not thinking of him as some kind of jerk. Rewatching the Buzzcocks episode, he still was a bit of a twat. But Glasvegas as a whole are pretty damn good, and I can’t wait for them to come to Australia [please!].

And then there’s Florence Welch. I only knew her as the redhead who was sometimes photographed with James Allan in the NME. I liked her style. And then I heard “Dog Days are Over”. And then “Kiss With a Fist”. While Glasvegas’ album is listed in my top purchases of last year, Florence + the Machine’s “Lungs” was not only my most anticipated purchase, but it is also the best album I have heard all year.

It doesn’t sound like anything else that I listen to, but the whole album is infused with a sort of strength and energy, through Florence’s powerful vocals [and harmonies, oh how I adore the harmonies]. I almost felt proud when I heard she was nominated for the Mercury Prize, and I honestly did think she was a shoe-in to win. I’m yet to see a negative review [I'm sure there are several are out there; you can't please everyone], and it really is amazing.

While I’m sure Speech Debelle is deserving of the Mercury Prize [they wouldn't have given it to her otherwise], I really do wish it had gone to Florence. And, while I’m speaking of wishes, I wish Florence would come to Australia. Soon. Please!

01.  Little Boots – New in Town
I’m gonna take you out tonight
I’m gonna make you feel alright
I don’t have a lot of money but we’ll be fine
no, I don’t have a penny, but I’ll show you a real good time

02.  We Are Scientists – After Hours
this night is winding down, but time means nothing
as always, at this hour, time means nothing
one final final round, ’cause time means nothing
say that you’ll stay

03.  The Strokes – 12:51
12:51 is the time
my voice found the words I sought
is it this stage I want?
the world is shutting up for us
oh we were tense for sure, but we was confident

04.  Semisonic – Closing Time
so gather up your jackets, move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend
closing time
every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

05.  Oasis – Half the World Away
you’re half the world away
I’ve been lost, I’ve been found
but I don’t feel down

06.  Florence + the Machine – Dog Days are Over
run fast for your mother, and fast for your father
run for your children, for your sisters and your brothers
leave all your love and your loving behind
you can’t carry it with you if you want to survive

Emily Bronte must be rolling in her grave… unless SHE is also the undead! (and this is why I hate America.)

And, being the kind of person that I am, I didn’t particularly want to sacrifice my social life and become a hermit, only leaving the house for uni and the hell of working in retail [because it probably would have killed me], so I came up with the following strategy. Following these “spending rules” [or, trying to follow them], plus taking on a couple of extra shifts at work, allowed me to save enough money that I didn’t feel too bad spending £180 on CDs at HMV Oxford Circus.

SILLY LITTLE SPENDING RULES
[that actually saved me quite a bit of money]

01. Don’t carry cash.
Or, limit the amount of cash that you do carry. This prevents you from wasting your coins in overpriced vending machines, and, if you don’t have any cash with you, you won’t be able to buy a coffee/Diet Coke just to pass the time. When going out [to a club/bar/pub/whatever], only take $20 or so.

02. Only drink when someone else is paying.
Going out? Stick to soft drink. It’s cheaper, and you can still have a good time. If someone offers to buy you a drink, by all means accept, but tell them you’ll shout them one when you get back from your trip. They’ll understand [and probably forget by the next time you see them].

03. Give up something that you buy every week.
I stopped buying the NME. $6.50/week really does add up, and you can read magazines for free at magnation anyway [and, if, like me, you feel a little guilty about sitting there for two hours and not spending a cent, just remind yourself that you'll get back to your regular spending habits after your trip].

04. Don’t buy merch at gigs.
Yes, I was preparing for an awesome holiday, but that didn’t mean I was going to give up going to gigs. So maybe you’ll have a few holes in your collection of band tees, but you’ll survive. It’s a little sacrifice to make, but at ~$50/t-shirt, you’re saving quite a bit.

05. Don’t shop at 7/11.
They charge $2.70 for a can of Diet Coke. It’s ridiculous. If it’s 3am and nothing else is open and you absolutely must drink something, get a small slurpee. You probably wouldn’t finish a larger one anyway.

06. Don’t buy clothes “for the trip”.
Unless you’re going to the middle of the desert, there will be clothing stores at your destination. And you will want to shop at them. I was away for four weeks, and only took two dresses, two t-shirts, a skirt and a pair of jeans. Thinking about it, I probably only needed to take one dress. You will buy clothes when you’re there. It’s only natural. There are stores like Topshop and Urban Outfitters, and it is your right to shop at them, and to not feel guilty about doing so.